LIMO
I woke up and smelled like shit. Showering? Forget it. I stink. I am the Mary Douglas dirt-matter out of place. I get things ready with the very intention of printing some cunt forms off at the HAIGHT STREET REFERRAL CENTER so I can apply for San Francisco’s very own HEALTHY SF. But once I do it, I realize that I just don’t feel like doing that today. The suns expanding, so I’ll do it at my next ophthalmology appointment, before or after a 5 foot 3 bucktooth doctor scratches her initials onto my cornea with laser point precision. At this point I realize my truancy from this dickhead homeless youth internship, and hopefully I don’t miss another hilarious visit to a tech Bedlam company courtesy of LARKIN STREET YOUTH SERVICES. I wanna sneak a peek at those people who are leading the capitalist joyride into the partial destruction of our people — our doom — and get free cans of Doctor Pepper while I’m at it.
After all this shitting about, I go to the Castro for UNDOCU — FORCE in which we do a feely-goody activity where we list things that we love about ourselves. Seeing as though I’m punk rock and very cool, the entire concept of ‘self-worth’ and ‘self-love’ is for nerds and pussys. I’m cool. I’m a rocker. If you don’t fucking despise every corpuscle running through your blown out veins, then you’re a pussy and I don’t fuck with pussys! I write “tired”, and we’re asked to tell the rest of the group what are the qualities that we admire about the person sitting next to them. The girl next to me said I’m funny, and that you have to kind of listen to understand what I’m saying to catch the joke (probable autism) but when you do it’s really funny. The rest of the time there was about ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy relationships’, but I missed most of it as I keep buzzing in and out.
After this fucking exercise in intolerance is over, I headed out to catch the bus and encountered some of the same group in front of a Walgreens, which I go into with this one girly Keisha. The storekeeper follows around the entire store like a fly, and frequently stops us to offer help. When we get out and regroup, 3 of the others reveal their loot from shoplifting, which includes a frozen twix bar that is instantly placed in my weeping maw. Everyone else leaves and I take the MUNI to Slim’s where I thought I could save $22 admission for the MOVIELIFE by miracling in, but no one gives me a fucken chance. I spent a couple hours bouncing up and down and extenuating the odoriferous stench coming from my decaying corporeal.
Once I get back to the Haight I see Drew, Toad, and Honey. The latter was just released from jail today. They were standing in front of this limo that Toad had just bought, splitting $500 with a friend. He opens the door, and all the dirty kids hanging around crawl in and I do too. I sit in the back with Honey, and immediately recognize this kid who was shooting me with Nerfs while Dilon was being detained for looking like a guy that burgled the Haight Whole Foods a couple weeks back. Honey keeps saying weird apocrypha like “My hairs on backwards.” (or upside down), “I don’t even know my last name.” and “I don’t even speak English, I speak an entirely different language.”.
Peaches sits in the separation part of the limo and passes us a can of beer and proceeds to roll a Backwoods blunt. We smoked and drank and had fun, but suddenly the cops showed up and lectured Toad who had beer on the roof of the limo, and pulled it down as soon as he saw the cop car. They go on about how we shouldn’t be drinking right outside a liquor store, and might cause the store to lose their liquor license. I imagine the cop keeling over and vomiting blood, but it doesn’t happen as much as I harness will to zen it so. Eventually the pigs left, and we smoked another joint and finished the beer. I ranted at Peaches about music, and the limo got hotboxed and we drank more. Peaches props up this rolling plate he found on the ground outside a junkyard, and pulls out a baggie from his pocket, and pours cocaine out onto the plate.
I told him that I’ve never done coke before, and I’m so drunk and high I ask him to explain to me how to do it. He explained that you don’t have to, but some people like to close one nostril, and with the remaining nostril suck in the drug. Just try to suck it up far, but you don’t have to inhale super hard! He puts a bump on a key and snorts it, does the same for Honey who snorts it, and then does the same once again and hands it to me. I move my nostril over the end and ask “Like this?” and Peaches says “Aha” and I inhale. It felt like hot air shooting up my nose, or a sniff of warm water. I felt tingly everywhere, all jittery. Very tingly and energetic, focused a lot too. I act like a dork buffoon, and eventually everyone leaves the limo and I head back to the shelter.
On the way I see an old man collapse from drunkenness, and see a couple dirty kids help pick him up. He yelled at them, demanding help, and I heard the guy helping him say “This is the second person to collapse today.”
