Top 10 Places To Cry In
Ever look for a great and reliable place to cry in? I know I do. But it’s hard finding somewhere safe, reliable, and interesting enough to grace with your tears. It’s common knowledge that crying is a great way to relieve stress and anxiety. It also helps you deal with the sheer, cold, mechanistic lifestyle that has resulted from capitalism, and the ongoing continuous fight for survival within it.
Sometimes you’re just sitting there, thinking about frogs, and boom! You remember the monolithic corporations that have taken over your everyday life, like Amazon, don’t pay federal income tax! It’s a bummer, for sure. Or maybe you’re sitting there, piping hot cup of ramen in your hands and bang! You remember that New Zealand only accepted 1100 Jewish refugees during WWII for fear of diluting ‘white’ cultural identity. They were regarded as “enemy aliens” by the Returned Services Association (the dudes who distribute poppies on ANZAC day) and even asked to return back to where they came from, as well as return any money they had made to New Zealand soldiers families! Gosh, that one is going to require a real special cry spot, probably.
So in this list, we look at 10 reliable, and often spectacular places to cry in. Places that really say “Hey buddy, you should totally cry in me. I am very susceptible to tears.” and “In here capitalism will still exist in abstraction, mate. But have a bit of a rest will ya?”.
10. The Bathroom
This one is ol’ reliable to a lot of tear-jerkers out there. The four walls, often covered by some hard surface like ceramic or marble offer a short respite for the weary traveler. Kind of like an emotionally fallible Dark Souls’ bonfire. You can always trust a bathroom!
The best part of bathrooms is the variety they offer. You can sit on the toilet, with your arms on your knees, palms in your face and crying out for all its worth, or, you could stand leaning over the sink, staring at the mirror at your grimacing face which shows nothing but tears. If you have a bath, you can sit in it. Clothes or not! The choice is really up to you.
An obvious feature is the muffled, private sound of bathrooms which mean people can’t hear you cry your heart out. And if the walls aren’t think enough, you could always leave a tap running!
9. In Bed
The go-to for most housed people. The comfort of lying down mixed with a pillow to bury your face in is a classic, that must not be underestimated. And after you wear yourself out from the emotional epoch, you can just sleep! You don’t even have to move! Pro tip: Put your pajamas on first, for extra comfort and so you don’t have to get dressed between the cry/sleep cycle. It’s far more efficient that way.
What you really have to consider here is the comfort of your blankets. This is wear the working class shines. We don’t have none of those fancy, scratchy, pillow and blanket covers because we’re all about spartan efficiency. Not conspicuous consumption, or decadence. Rich people probably have to change the sheets before they cry. Pfft.
Just remember not to get too much snot in your pillows. That can get really nasty. ‘A good cry, is a clean cry’, now that’s a great mantra.
8. In A Museum
Did you know that if you start crying in the middle of a natural history museum, the guards can not legally remove you? Well actually, that’s not true. But it should be!
Museums are a fantastic place to let it all out. Whether you’re looking at an exhibit about the life and times of Earp Wyatt, or looking in amazement at one of the many European paintings stolen from Jews during the holocaust, yet are still in the possession of Austrian galleries, crying is always there for you as an option!
You can educate yourself with knowledge, and have a healthy sob in the corner on the same day. In the same minute, even!
7. While Skateboarding
Skateboarding is cool as heck. Crying is cool as heck. Skateboarding + crying = ‘Skatecrying’. Give it a try sometime. It’s certainly not safe, but for seasoned criers, this challenge is easy peasy. You ever heard of an ollie? Well have you ever heard of an ollie x sob mix? It’s very cool.
While skateboarding is more of an activity than a location per se, you could argue the skateboard deck is a paint brush, and the half-pipe, a canvas. Just like how tears are the sacred notes to an aria, and cheeks are but the paper of musical notation. Very somber. Very sweet.
Crying to ‘Sk8er Boi’ by Avril Lavigne is a definite good-time. That song is a prophecy. A prophecy about skaters crying.
6. In Your Mom’s Minivan On The Way To Soccer Practice
What else is there to say? Crying in your mom’s minivan is incredible. Catharsis never felt so sweet. Suburbia sucks, dude. It’s a real hell on earth. I just want to lay back and listen to Death Cab For Cutie, mom. Why do you make me go to these dorky things anyway? I’m not even good at soccer.
The best part about crying in your mom’s minivan on the way to soccer practice, is that you can choose whether to do it before OR after. Two totally different options that are readily available at your fingertips. Or tear ducts, rather.
5. On A Gondola Ride Through Grand Canal
Venice is known for its romantic aura, and beautiful canals. The deep blue water shines like sapphire under the sun, and would shine even better off tears dripping into it while you take an intimate gondola ride with no one but your confused gondola driver.
The cool thing about the Grand Canal is that it’s so close to a bunch of famous museums. So after you’re finished crying in the Ca’ Pesaro Galleria Internazionale d’Arte Moderna, you can conveniently step outside and cry in the Grand Canal! Italian’s really do it better.
Fair warning; the gondola driver should be tipped extra if you choose this option. It’s hard and unsettling to drive a crying person around through a canal.
4. In A Grocery Store
This one’s interesting because it lends itself to habit. Crying can become as arduous as an errand, so why not treat it like one? Schedule a solid cry DURING your weekly grocery run, so that you don’t have to deal with the spontaneity crying normally demands! It’s sheer time management skills in practice, really.
There is also something morose about the kind of sounds you hear in grocery stores. The maniacal beeping from the machines, the muzak, the strange, fever dream-like airport bunker air. It’s all very weird. Very suitable for crying.
3. In An Elevator
Elevators contain some of the more bizarre social phenomenons, that psychology students love. Why not add some more to the lists? Cry in an elevator. Cry in an elevator with friends, or by yourself, just cry in an elevator.
They are small, compact spaces, that serve their transient purpose and are perfect for a quick cry if you’re good at it. You can pretend that you’re in a Wes Anderson film, and embrace the aesthetics of transition with your tears. It’s all in good fun!
2. On The Walk To And From Work
Crying while walking requires some courage. Imagine how powerful it would be to see some person just walking past you on a crosswalk, tears streaming in all their glory from their face as casual as can be? It’s a power move, that’s for sure. I would not mess with that person.
Work sucks, and makes the vast majority of the population want to cry. So why then, is it considered unprofessional? Most people hate their jobs, and most people know this. It doesn’t matter if your labour is being exploited part-time, or full-time, it’s disingenuous to deny the cry!
I’m sure you could find some obscure reasoning behind this experience. Maybe the calories exerted while speed walking and crying at the same time could call for a new sort of exercise? Maybe Gwyneth Paltrow can advocate for it? “You can walk-cry while you gentrify!”
1. On A Mountain Summit
Ever feel the vestigial call of nature beat through your heart in an attempt to transcend this corporeal realm? Well this is probably a really great way to deal with that. Just have a cheeky cry amongst the blowing wind. The wind will likely blow your tears away for added convenience. Very convenient
The caveat is the realisation that although you have temporarily dispatched yourself from broader society, you’re still really contained in it. Just like that snarky JD Salinger wrote about. ‘You can’t escape the rat race, dude.’. But the longer you put this realisation off, the longer your tears can vicariously elope from your face, and the longer you can truly feel free for once. Good luck!
Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. And tears.
